Thalia sat up with a star. Never before had a storm, bad weather, frightened her so much, wind was shaking the shutters of her window with great force, lightening found its way into her bedroom through the tightly closed curtains and the loud, growling thunder couldn’t be shut out at all. Although it was in the middle if summer she shivered. She looked around. Her bedroom was an utter mess. Her clothes were everywhere: skirts, shoes, dresses, jeans. She had left the cleaning up for the morning. In between, there was her big brown Louis Vuitton suitcase, which she had bought in last year’s February in Paris. She smiled when she thought about that again and made a mental note: ‘Visit Paris soon!’ Thalia sighed loudly, something she did frequently during the days. She wasn’t tired, not at all, not anymore. Jetlag was taking its toll on her. She slid out of her king-size bed. It was too big for one single person. She patted across the wooden bedroom floor, barefooted, out into the hallway, stepped over a staple of old newspapers, yellow press mostly, two bags of letters and her handbag, which she had tossed on the floor carelessly when her phone had rung earlier. There was a lot of work to do until she could let someone visit her again.

She sighed dramatically. Most of the food in her fridge had passed the expiring date. Her next mental note went: ‘Give food to someone else before I leave for a couple of days.’

So she simple took out a chilled bottle of Evian water and with two large sips stopped her thirst. With a weak movement she held the curtain of the kitchen window to the side and peered out anxiously. Rain was pouring out of the sky heavily. She could see her car in the parking lot and how the water fell on the sapphire, silvery-blue metallic vehicle, at the moment her most precious possession. Her glance fell on the small picture frame on her kitchen table. It showed a young man in a tuxedo and a young woman in an expensive cream-white silk dress. Thalia smiled with watery eyes and went through into her living room to pick up the cordless telephone. Dialling the number by heart, she retreated into the kitchen only to pick up the photo and then settled down on the huge beige sofa. The eyes, the smile, the dimples. Thalia recognized her features. Yet she stared at her brother.

“Donwald?”

“Same here!” Thalia answered and chuckled slightly.

“Lia!” she recognized her nickname well. “You’re there! Hey, how do you feel?” her partner asked on the other end.

“I’m OK.” Lia answered. “What time is it?”

“Past two. And at your’s?”

“Same here, Penny.” Lia said plainly.

“You’re back?” She heard her sister-in-law, Penny, scream.

“Yeah. Not long though. But I can’t sleep.” Thalia whined annoyed. There were loads of things on her to-do-list for the morning but in case she had no sleep that night, none of the tasks would be done.

“How’ve you been?” Penny asked again.

“Quite fine. OK. I gained back some joie de vie. I… I met someone, Penny, someone I really like.” Lia admitted.

“You what?” the girl on the other end asked in a whisper. “I thought you wanted to sort out your life. And you had no room for Gareth!”

“No. It was the other way round. Gareth had no time to fit me in his life. He’s been messing up my life with his presence and absence for far too long. I can’t go on like that. I need to be able to rely on people. Chad is pretty different from him.”

“Chad!” Penny called. “Is that his name? And where’s he?”

“Oh, come on, Penz. I didn’t call to discuss this with you. I called to talk to you. Let you know I’m back and feeling better.”

“Oh – nice to hear!” Penny said sarcastically. Lia rolled her eyes. Of course, she couldn’t expect too much appreciation from her sister-in-law, not yet, but a bit of an approval would have been nice.

“You should meet him first before you judge him.” Lia suggested.

“When?” Penny asked, trying to sound calm though she pitied the mentioned ex-boyfriend of Thalia. He wouldn’t understand.

“He’ll arrive tomorrow.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. I’m not available then.”

“But…”

“It’s Gareth’s birthday. Remember? The guy you dumped a couple of weeks ago. He was your boyfriend.”

“I—oh.” Thalia was confused. How could she forget about him after more than three years?

“Lia?” Penny asked because it had become quiet on Thalia’s end of the line. She could hear stifled sobs then and a long sigh, which Lia had to take to gain back some air.

“I’m still here.”

“I’m sorry, hunnie. I’m just depressed. I… I can’t be happy for other people at the moment. Not yet. Colin has gone forever and I… I miss him so much.”

“I miss him, too, you know.” Lia told her, “but don’t be so negative about other people’s lives. We need to move on. Chad is friendly, charming. He cares about me and my feelings.”

“That’s nice to hear. Though I thought Adam and you would hit it off.”

“Adam – he’s back with Kelly. I hooked them back up.”

Penny yawned. “Listen, I’m really tired. Give me a call tomorrow and we’ll arrange to meet up.”

“Ok, see you!” Lia ended the call and tossed the black phone on the pillow next to her. She still pondered upon her behaviour. How could she have forgotten about the birthday? It confused her. She had abandoned him. She was the baddie. Tears blurred her view and she wondered how all of this could have happened. And she wished so badly that someone was there. Chad – well, they had just started going out and were not very far in what they had yet. But Adam would have been nice to have around. Or at least James. Someone to take her mind away from everything that occupied her. Maybe she hadn’t been ready to fly back to London, maybe Jesse had been right – as always. But she had thought that Penny needed her. And all she got was a lousy excuse – that involved her ex. She didn’t hate him, she was just disappointed.

Thalia got up and wandered to her handbag, then she set on for her music room, where she hadn’t been since the last show.

She unlocked the door and stepped in. The room lay in total darkness, only the dim street lamps’ light crept through the curtains. In the middle of the vast room, the largest of her flat, the grand piano, covered, with a huge white blanket, had its place. She touched the soft fabric and pulled her hand away quickly. It felt painful. And she felt as if she had to relive the last concert again and that was something she wouldn’t be able to take. Not yet. Yet, it was already so far away. So much time had passed since she had last hit a key or thought about harmonies. In the small light, the heavy frames on her wall glistened. Platinum CDs, photos from important events like the Brit Awards or premiers. Her old life haunted her and still, it was a part of her.

She switched the hi-fi on and put a nameless CD into the player. Soft piano tunes filled her room and then the bass jumped in. Thalia could picture the two guys standing on stage in the spotlights. A guitar cut in and then the familiar voice. Drums were added just before the chorus. Thalia could almost smell the smoke and feel the damp air of the L.A. club on her skin. Magnificent, was her only thought.

She sat on the window sill and listened, pulled her knees up and cried.

*

The new morning brought grey clouds. And rain. July, 12^th her calendar on the kitchen wall said. The wooden clock in the living room said it was quarter to ten. Thalia sighed and ruffled her wet hair. She’d taken a cold, long shower, hoping it would help to clear her mind. She picked up a jeans from the floor in front of her bed and pulled it on, before grabbing a plain t-shirt from the closet.

Twenty minutes later, her room was at least looking ordinary again. To her the most annoying thing about travelling would always be the baggage. With a sudden rush of anger, she tossed the suitcase on her bed. The navy blue sheets creased on its heaviness and Thalia had the impression she would never finish with her laundry.

Three hours later, her flat looked pretty neat and she felt exhausted. Yet, she had no time to relax. Although she didn’t want to, Thalia knew that it was inevitable not to call her parents and so she sat down on the armrest of her couch and dialled her old number.

“Mum?” she asked nervously, as someone huffed a hello down the line.

“Thalia? Oh my gosh. Where are you?” her mum squeaked.

“At home, mum.” Thalia said.

“I’ll be there in a minute.”

“Listen, mum… I got to…” she stopped. ‘Pick someone up?’ No, she couldn’t rush things with her mum. “I have an appointment in about an hour. Maybe we can meet up later?”

“But – It’s Gareth’s birthday. You’re coming for dinner, aren’t you?” Ellen checked.

“No, mum. You know I broke up with him.”

“What are you going to do then? Is it not that everyone is coming? Will, Zoë, Nicola, his family, Penny, us. Where will you be? I’m sure he’d like to see you.”

“That’s not the point, mum. I’m not sure whether I want to see him.” Lia said.

“Oh, Lia. Listen – I think you’re making a big mistake. He LOVES you. Heard me?”

“And still. Colin didn’t like him. Or rather, the way we treated each other.” It went silent on her mum’s side.

“Mum?”

“I think I heard your father calling. I’ll see you, hunnie.” Thalia frowned. Of course, Colin was a touchy subject. But they could not shut him out of their lives.

“Ok, bye.” Disappointed, Thalia trotted into her bedroom and got ready to pick Chad up from Heathrow airport.

*

“I’ve missed London, you know,” Chad said, “and I’ve missed you, too.” he planted a kiss on her cheek and offered his arm to her. Thalia took it gratefully and the two of them set off for their walk to the tube station. The blue Piccadilly line arrived in Gloucester Road station and took them straight to Covent Garden, where Chad wanted to take her to his favourite restaurant. The two chatted about random things on their way but as they settled in the train, he looked at her intensely.

“You really disappointed Adam. He was sad you left them so quickly.”

“I’m really sorry about that. But I knew I wouldn’t have left for the next two weeks if I hadn’t gone secretly. And besides – he should spend some time with Kelly as long as he’s back in town. They’ll be here in September, won’t they?”

“Yeah. True. You should give them a call nonetheless.” Chad advised and then smiled.

“I was pretty shocked too. I thought you’d left my life as quickly as you had entered.”

“No – you know that I promised not to. It’s awesome that both of us picked the same college.”

“You’ll be a great teacher. I’m sure.” Chad said and gave her another smile. Thalia almost melted. He had this cute aura around him, which she could hardly describe.

“Next stop is Covent Garden” the female voice announced.

“We depart here!” Chad told her and got to his feet. They fell silent again on their way up into the nightly light.

“This way, miss!” he announced and took her hand. She smiled, flattered, and walked at his side. But it slightly faded as the restaurant came into sight. If they were really going to the Italian venue straight ahead… they were.

Chad opened the door for her and they stood at the counter. The man looked up.

“Miss Donwald. Your family is over there…” Thalia’s smiled faded as her eyes followed the waiter’s long fingers. On a large table right in the middle of the dining room, she spotted the Gates’ family and hers. Gareth sat amongst them.

“Your family?” Chad asked and smiled. “I didn’t intend to meet them so soon. But let’s just…” Thalia shook her head.

“No – can we just get a table on his name. In some corner, a little secluded?” she asked.

“Are you OK?” Chad whispered into her ear. She felt her knees go weak and her blood drained from her cheeks.

“Of course.” The elderly man nodded. But it was too late for a secluded spot. Nicola had seen her and waved, then, as Thalia did everything to ignore her, got up and walked over.

“Lia! Oh my gosh.  You’re back! Why don’t you come and sit with us?” she was her bubbly self.

“I don’t think Gareth would like it and besides – I’m not on my own.” Thalia answered through gritted teeth.

“Oh, hello. I’m Nicola.”

“Chad…” the dark-haired guy on Thalia’s side said and stretched out her hand.

“You can go over if you want to. Say hello and come back. I’m not to keen on butting into family business.” Chad said, sat down on his chair and signed her to go. Nicola pulled Thalia all along.

“Look who I just picked up!” Nicola announced. They all turned. Smiles spread across all faces. All, except for one. Gareth. He stared at her completely blank.  She had never seen him so puzzled. The situation contained so much tension that all Thalia wanted was to break down and cry.

“Excuse me – Gareth, Gareth Gates? Happy Birthday…” a girl, about thirteen maybe, approached the table. Gareth turned to her, smiled and wrote an autograph. Happily, the little girl returned to her own table. He had hoped that in those few seconds he could think of something to say. But all he knew was: “Why?”

Thalia looked up at the ceiling, then to her feet and shrugged.

“Happy birthday…” she whispered and turned around.

“No – not again!” she heard Gareth say. He had risen from his chair and came walking to her.

“Why?” he asked, lifting up her chin so she had to look into his eyes.

“I don’t know. You must know better. Why had you no time for me? Why were you absent, half across the world, when I needed you most? Why did you put your music first and me second best?” she whispered.

“That’s not true!” Gareth’s voice rose all of a sudden and caused Thalia to jump and back away.

“Let’s not do this now, not today. Let’s just finish this, move on…”

“But…”

“Let’s end this peacefully…” Thalia said. From nowhere, she felt a hand on her shoulder.

“Are you okay, Thalia?” It was Chad. She spun around and looked at him, then shook her hand.

“Can we leave?” she asked, “sorry – but we’re not supposed to be here, not tonight.”

“That’s okay.” Her companion answered. She was shaking terribly.

“But…” Gareth said and put his hand on her other shoulder. Thalia placed her left hand over his, squeezed it.

“Move on, Gareth. That’s all we can do. Think about it and move on.” She leant up to him and kissed his cheek. Her lips met his skin and for a brief moment, she thought she would collapse right into him, but Chad held her hand and squeezed it reassuringly.

“Happy birthday…” she whispered into Gareth’s ear, then turned away and reached for Chad’s arm to secure her. The couple walked out, and the restaurant’s guests watched them through the large windows until they were out of sight.

“Move on…?” Gareth mumbled, “How am I supposed to move on when my guiding light just left me?”

*

“Are you feeling any better?” Chad asked and pulled Thalia to a halt in front of an empty Starbucks.

“I…,” Thalia started. She did not want to cry. She simply didn’t since she had vowed to herself not to share her sorrow with Chad yet, especially not, when her ex-boyfriend was involved. Thalia bit her lip nervously. Speaking would be the kill.

She shrugged, sighed and leant against the glass wall behind her.

“Wait a second!” Chad turned around, then walked into the shop and returned two minutes later with two vanilla frappaccinos with extra cream on top.

“How…” Thalia wondered.

“Adam.” Chad said nonchalantly.

“Thanks.”

“That’s the least I can do. Are you still hungry?”

“Oh, ‘course.” Chad’s hand landed in the middle of her back and guided her forward.

“Let’s go to my second fave place!”

“What else did he tell you?” Thalia asked when she had thought for a few seconds.

“Who?”

“Adam!” Her voice sounded so meek every time she said the name.

“Oh, nothing!” she got as a reply.

“Honestly – what do you know about me?”

“Listen - all he said was: ‘Treat her kind. Look after her. And try to get to know her. It took a long time to get my head around her – and I’m not quite sure I managed at times…”

“Really?” That surprised Thalia a lot.

“I swear! Ask Ryan! He was with us and he agreed with Adam…” Thalia smiled.

“You know. I sometimes don’t get my head around myself.”

Both laughed and then he led her back to the Covent Garden station and they got the same blue line back to the Circus.

Chad rushed up the stairs and Thalia almost lost him out of sight.

“Chad?” she asked and he turned around. The red light around seemed a lot brighter that night all of a sudden. He brought his eyes up to hers and she could see the worry on his face.

But her lips curled into a smile and her eyes glistened with anticipation. She reached for his free hand and locked her fingers with his firmly. Thalia felt a little dizzy, but in a very positive way. She felt as thought she’d never been there before, although she crossed the streets around hundreds of times. Chad squeezed her little hand, which was now gaining back warmth after the shock. She grinned, peered around and turned back to him, sensing how there were sparks flying for the first time.

“We’re not in a hurry, are we?” she asked, stepping a little closer to his side. Chad shook his head.

“No. We got all the time in the world.”